


There Are No Happy Endings

by aceless



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abusive Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider, Dave Strider Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Everyones still 16, Gen, POV Dave Strider, Post-Sburb, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Sadstuck, back on earth C, bro is a dick, save his soul
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-08 08:13:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14101173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aceless/pseuds/aceless
Summary: The kids have defeated Sburb, and Earth C has successfully been inhabited. It's time for everyone to go back to their normal lives: Rose, Roxy, and Dirk living with their mother, John and Jane living with their father, Jade and Jake living on their island, and Dave... returning to live with his brother.The older Strider is soon exposed, and Dave soon goes missing.NOTE: I'm not going to continue this, for the reason that it's so messy. There's a ton or unavoidable and painfully obvious plot holes and loose ends which I can't fix unless I do so from the beginning. Maybe I'll rewrite this sooner or later, depending on if anyone is interested.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for basically all of this: Abuse, suicide, ptsd, anxiety, you get the gist of it.  
> In case anyone questions it, no, I don't support abuse. I write about it in a negative way, and in no way will I glorify it or condone it. I simply love to make my favourite characters suffer, as demented as it sounds.  
> I'm a sucker for sadstuck.

As I walked through the front door, I expected him to sneak behind me. Maybe he would want to strife with me on the roof, or maybe he’d just beat me senseless. Yet all I got was the scent of the dusty air, lightly tinted with smoke. My shallow breaths echoed through the halls, and the silence taunted my ears. The apartment was filled with blackness, but that wasn’t surprising to me.  
  
I decided that no one was home. Cautiously inching towards my room, I gingerly pulled my shades away from the crimson horror hidden under them. Looking into a mirror and trying to make out the silhouetted reflection was inevitable at this point; a dozen framed mirrors were spread across the hallways as if they replaced the family photos one would usually have pinned to the wall. My bright ruby irises weren’t visible, a sigh of relief in itself. I didn’t want to see myself, likely because I hated everything I had become, yet Bro forced me into gazing at my own eyes. Every time he made me stare at myself, all I could see was an empty person filled with deceit and false morals.  
  
I suspected that I had sprained my ankle. Well, no, I hadn’t done it. Bro had. Nonetheless, I flinched when my foot went down, a sharp icicle of abrupt pain freezing through my ankle. Over and over again, repeating itself like a broken record. That fact alone made it near impossible to hide my newfound injuries. I thought that as long as I could cover up my limp to some extent, no one would suspect a thing. With the exception of Bro, since he picked up on everything.  
  
Once in my room, I didn’t hesitate to turn on the small lamp at the edge of my desk. The bulb flickered to life, coating the room in foggy luminosity which nearly blinded me. I blinked away the black spots in my vision and pulled off my shirt. A line of nasty violet bruises ran up my side, threatening to continue up onto my neck. I tried to keep a count every week, and every week there would be more than before. They only became deeper with the passing of time.  
  
It had only been a few months since we won the game. Everyone went back to their joyful lives with their parents which they complained about so relentlessly, and I never said a word about Bro. I was fucking terrified to go back to this. Granted, I adjusted to it quickly, but my point remains. I thought Bro was dead… for good, but I couldn’t be more wrong. Now it was worse than I remembered.  
  
Dirk was still the only one to know about my situation. Despite being so close to Karkat and John, I didn’t want them to worry about me, and I didn’t feel like I could tell them about it without them overreacting strongly. I had gotten used to Dirk. I didn’t fear him nearly as much as before, and I trusted him with all my serious problems. He was practically my saviour.  
  
I continued to stare at my wounds. Violet was such an ugly color on me.  
I hadn’t realized my eyes beginning to tear up, and all because of the selfish reason I couldn’t deny every time I saw any of my injuries. John and Rose had perfect lives compared to mine. Hell, even Jade’s was better, I’d kill to live alone on an island. And then there was me, in the shittiest condition imaginable, facing the cold torture of the shittiest guardian. No one knew about it, and I tried to keep it that way.  
  
Everyone would know soon, though. I was planning to do the dirty act of hanging myself, ending it all. I was so determined to let everyone down by cutting my time of existence short by a few years at most. And I had no excuse, other than I was weak and couldn’t handle my brother’s attempts at discipline. _Discipline?_ I knew damn well that it was abuse. My sorry ass never cared to question what a normal parent was and what they did before the game. Now I knew better.  
  
I kept a journal filled with every major event that happened in the preceding months, at least fifty pages drowning in detailed descriptions of what I had been through. All my strifes with Bro, all the times I watched a movie with John and Karkat. The time when Terezi and I investigated a local murder. The thought of losing everyone I held so close to me haunted me from the deep depths of my mind. Yet I still wanted to execute my plan. Or rather, execute myself.  
  
A muffled creak sounded from outside my bedroom door. I quickly struggled to pull my shirt back over my head and reached for a sword. Having been prepared for the worst all my life, I knew it was best to show up to showdown. I gently slid my shades onto my face, unsheathed the katana, and watched the door swing open.  
  
“You’re late,” was all he said. Those two words let me know that I was dead. No excuses or negotiations, because I knew I deserved whatever he gave me.  
“Leave me alone, you dick,” I said quietly, although I was positive Bro could hear me.  
  
Without hesitation, Bro stepped towards me and captured my wrist in a tight grip. I peered up at him, sneering, conscious of the hot bubbles of tears lingering on the corners of my eyes and refusing to fall. Bro held the rim of my only shield, ripping my shades off my face. I kept my gaze low, but I knew it wouldn’t hide anything.

“Are you crying?” I breathed sharply at his words. I remained unresponsive, and he asked me once more with crisp consonants.  
  
“Are you crying?” He waited for me to say the truth, even though it was laid out right before him. My hand grew numb in his strangling grip as I frantically tried to pull away. I gave up with that in mere seconds.  
  
“Yeah, you got a problem with that?” I replied harshly, averting my gaze from the monster before me. For a single moment I thought I was spared. I don’t know why I even considered that possibility, because after that second of bliss was over, Bro demanded me to hand him my sword.

  
My hand shook as I stared at the small teardrops of blood pooling on my wrist. I couldn’t force myself to look up at Bro; I couldn’t take my eyes off the sword clutched in his hand. I knew I deserved it, and that was what scared me most.  
  
I winced as the blade ran across my skin once more, glaring with wide eyes, a shine of morbid interest sparking. None were deep, they hardly even scratched the surface, but I believed his intention was merely to give me scars. Because of this, I questioned what else Bro would do to me. Maybe he would starve me, drown me, and I didn’t even want to guess what else he could come up with. But on the other hand, I officially looked suicidal.  
  
Bro threw the sword to the floor and tilted my chin so that I could see his stoic expression. He wasn’t void of emotion, but he hid it well. His eyebrows lowered and gave way to a new anger, one much more apparent than before. As he leaned towards me, a faint huff broke the fatal silence. In combination with a placid stare, he was a wolf with eyes of shimmering gold. He was the alpha, the leader, pinning his pray to the snowy forest floor and snarling with rigid canines. The puny crow stood no chance against him as his claws reached in to pierce the bird straight through the heart.  
  
“You’re a disgrace to everything a Strider should be,” Bro shoved me, a thud sounding as I fell against the wall, and I instinctively let out a yelp when my ankle hit a sharp corner. Bro crossed his arms in disgust at my pathetic cries while I tried to regain my balance.  
  
“Get out, damnit,” I choked. I stared with furious tears blurring my vision until my brother, for once, obeyed and silently stepped out of my room.  
  
I had been counting as each scratch was made, and in total Bro had given me twelve. Six on each arm. Three of which were bleeding at a mild pace, and two of which were bleeding more than I thought was safe. The rest were red and puffy, and I made sure not to touch them with even my sleeve for the time being. At least Bro was gone. To where, I didn’t know.  
  
My phone buzzed. I stumbled across the room and was greeted by a message from Karkat.  


CG: HEY, JUST FIGURED I’D LET YOU KNOW I’M COMING OVER. AND NO, IT’S NOT BECAUSE I WANT TO FUCK YOU, IDIOT.

 

  
Shit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is already going to hell.

I was a mess. I couldn’t even deny it. My cuts were stinging from the bandages wrapped tightly around them, my ankle was a deep, swollen violet, and my eyes were red from crying. There was nowhere to hide and Karkat would be over in merely minutes. I was screwed. Bro would kill me for letting out his secret, because then he’d be targeted for child abuse and I’d be sent to a foster home and— and none of that matters. Yet at the same time, I thought that maybe I could expose myself and finally tell everyone I loved about the life I hid; and maybe, just maybe, I could escape.

What a stupid thought. I knew the only thing I’d be escaping was jack shit nothing.

I was still weighted down by depression, paranoia, anxiety, you name it, and it was all a killer. I wasn’t good enough, I was a terrible person, I deserved to be hurt. I wore myself out trying to hide it, because I didn’t want anyone to care about me. They wouldn’t have to if I was dead. And that was my plan. Operation Dave’s Suicide, bitches.

A knock at the door interrupted my ill-advised thinking. My borderline masochistic tendencies would have to wait until Karkat left, if he even would. My hand reached for the doorknob, and the beige wrapping looked more blatantly obvious than before. I could have either left my wrists covered or exposed the cuts, but at this point it was too late.

The gray, red-eyed troll glared at me apprehensively, waiting for me to say something. His clothes looked the same as ever, a black hoodie and sweats, and his hair messily hid his horns. In his hand he held one of his sickles. The other rested at his side, balled angrily into a fist. In short, Karkat looked exactly like he always did.

“Hey, you can put that away now, it’s not like I even have any weapons to f-fight you with,” I said calmly, feeling the stoic tone vibrate through my throat. The rest of my face rested at a flat frown. I tried to hide my hands in my back pockets, which in turn added to my cool posture, so I considered it a win.

“Cut the shit, Strider,” he pushed his way past me and invaded my room, closing the door gingerly behind him. After glancing around the room for a short moment, his eyes focused on the sword leaning against the wall. Shit, I had forgotten to put that back in the closet, hadn’t I? “Yeah, sure you don’t have any weapons lying around. Can you explain what the fuck this is doing here and why the fuck… Is that blood?”

I felt the heat rising to my forehead as I struggled to find a convincing answer. I already knew I was screwed but I didn’t think anything would happen so soon; clearly, I was wrong. “Maybe next time you should give me a little warning before you show up at my door,” I retorted. It was true, but it sure wasn’t going to save my pitiful ass.

Karkat approached me apprehensively, his hand reaching for mine. “Who even lets you have all these weapons, anyways,” he mumbled. I didn’t have the volition to fight against him and willingly presented my bandage-wrapped, thin as hell arms. Just to make it worse, I pulled up my sleeves and ripped away the cloth, and Karkat’s exacerbation only roused.

“You cut?” Was all he asked. Admittedly, I _did_ cut, except in places where no one would notice. This wasn’t my doing, but if I didn’t take the condemnation then the consequences would be inexplicably worse than Karkat’s censure.

Tripping over my consonants, I began to respond. “I, uh… Yeah, I do. But I mean… this wasn’t my f-fault—”

“God _damnit_ , Dave. How, why? Why would you do this? I get it, your life’s a fucking mess, but don’t end it. Don’t even think of ending it. If you end it I’ll hate your fucking guts forever, asshole,” Karkat mercilessly chastised me. The truth was close to being spilled.

I glanced around the room to check if I had turned off all the cameras recording my life, and all signs were clear. I firmly gripped the troll’s shoulders and pulled him closer to me. In a husky whisper, I gave him the real answer. “My brother did it.”

Karkat’s eyes locked onto mine, seeing right past my shades. His eyebrows lowered, in turn making his eyes shadowy and furious from my angle. Snarling, he questioned me further. “That black eye, did he do it too?”

“Yeah.”

“What about your sprained ankle?”

“Yep, that too.”

“And he _cuts_ you? As what, a punishment?” Karkat raised his voice, replacing any previously calm attire with angry undertones.

“Shut up, he’s going to hear you,” my natural paranoia started to kick in, but I soon realized I shouldn’t have said that. I heard the familiar creak sounding outside of my room. Dread and sheer horror filled my emptiness. “Karkat, you need to leave, _now_.”

“No, I’m not going to leave you here with an abusive guardian who fucking hurts you on a daily basis!” He screamed with maximum volume. There was nervous shuffling from the living room, followed by more steps.

“Karkat, I swear, just get out and don’t do anything about this. Don’t tell a goddamn soul, okay? The consequences are only going to be worse f-for me if anyone f-finds out about this, do you understand?”

“I’m calling the police, child services, maybe both! I’m going to get you the fuck out of here!”

I threw open the door and shoved Karkat out, still bickering over my situation. He was reluctant to being pushed out of the front door, and was still persistent on calling the police. Finally, I kicked him out of the apartment, letting my last words be, “don’t tell a single soul.”

And Bro stood behind me.

Turning around slowly, his anger entered my line of sight. I wasn’t prepared for him to slam me against the door in a choke-hold, and I let my body go limp at the impact.

“I take it your boyfriend got me busted, _David_.” He spat my name with a new type of hatred, not that of disappointment or disgrace, but that of abhorrence. I clawed at my neck whilst I let him enervate me; I was too terrified to fight back.

I didn’t respond, but he seemed to take the silence as an answer.

“You know what that means. We’re leaving this place before the police show up.”

_Fuck._

“Maybe next time you should think before you show off all your insecurities. You can’t even say you cut without a guilty, smug ass grin, can you? Fuckin’ pathetic.”

_No._

“Did you know I found a noose in your room, kid? Perfectly tied, too. I hope you know that when you die, only I will be the one to kill you.”

I couldn’t breathe.

“What a shame you’re so ungrateful for everything I’ve done. You know, your friend John has it worse than you. He’s got eating disorders galore, aren’t you glad you have none of those?”

I dropped my arms to my sides and sucked in a mouthful of precious air. Bro finally dropped me, and I slumped down the wall. I felt more hot tears building up and glazing over my eyes, and all I wanted was to hide in my room and have a long awaited mental breakdown. Fortunately, my wishes were all going to come true. I was sure of it.

It was time I killed myself.

I couldn’t force myself to live any longer.

I returned to my save haven. The red book caught my attention from across my room. I contemplated how I would end my life; I could have either hanged myself or stabbed myself, but stabbing seemed a bit too excessive. I could have shot myself, I suppose, although a gun would be obvious. I considered throwing myself off the roof, but I had an irrational fear of heights. Besides, I never wanted to step foot on that roof ever again. An overdose would be easy, as I was already taking close to the maximum quantity of painkillers. But that was, ironically, painful enough as it was.

I hardly had any time before Bro would make me leave and run away with him. It was now or never. I placed the red book on my desk and pulled out a drawer. Inside were the sleeping pills I had stolen from John such a long time ago. From everything I had heard, taking a shit ton of pills and cutting off the oxygen circulation was the easiest way to die, and least painful too. I just had to slip into my eternal sleep and I’d be on my way to Hell. Or whatever religious bullshit you chose to believe in. No matter where I’d go, I would be gone from this fucking world. And that’s all I wanted to achieve.

All I had to do was sleep. The hardest part would be opening the childproof cap.

And then I would be numb to my brother’s shouting, and I would be in a state of tranquility and sleep as my vision slowly started blackening. It would be the only peace I would ever get, and now was my chance. I could escape everything. Both the good and the bad.

I quickly messaged Dirk one last time.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

TG: if i never message you ever again

TG: its because im killing myself

TT: Don't do this. Dave, what's wrong.

TG: sorry dude

TG: no time

TG: you were great

TG: sayonara

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

I poured a pile of pills into my hand and poured the rest onto my desk. How many would I need to take? Was fourteen enough? Fuck it. I took the rest of the remaining pills and cupped an entire bottle in my hands. I should have taken them all at once, but instead I swallowed one just to get a feeling of what I was doing. As suspected, I didn’t feel anything. I wanted to take more, but then there was a loud knock at my door. I flinched and dropped the pills back onto my desk, letting only a few fall to the floor. My door swung open, my brother ran towards me with his gloved fists in front of him, and then my vision went black.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ouch.

gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

GG: hi you dork! are you awake yet :o

GG: hellooooooo

GG: dave???

GG: come on i know youre there!! we have school in an hour dummy

GG: fine then dont respond to me D:<

gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: LOOK… I’M FUCKING SORRY ABOUT YESTERDAY.

CG: I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO YOU.

CG: I HOPE YOU’RE OKAY. SEE YOU AT SCHOOL, FUCKASS.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

 

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

TT: I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you.

TT: I'll kill his pathetic, abusive ass. Why didn't I suspect it would be this bad after you opened up to me? Damnit.

TT: You just...

TT: Should have told me.

TT: Sooner.

TT: Now I'm talking to a dead man. Although I'd like to think you aren't dead.

TT: Maybe I'll see you at school, man.

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

 

Dave hadn’t been seen for a whole twenty-four hours, and I was worried. He hadn’t responded to my messages either. Maybe it was because of my own impulsive actions the day before last when I threatened to call the police. I never did. I never told anyone about what happened or what he had been going through. Maybe I should have, and maybe that was why he wasn’t there. Either way, I was still concerned, and I once again arrived at the front door of Dave’s apartment. This time no one answered.

It was eerily quiet. After what Dave had told me, I expected to hear violent fighting and pounding on the walls anytime I walked near the place he called home. Instead was the opposite. There was silence, which was somehow more chilling.

I placed my hand on the doorknob. I didn’t know if it was unlocked, but I was willing to try anything to get in. The door swung open with a brutal kick. Someone had tried to nail it in place and had clearly failed. The hallway was dark and foggy with a dense film of smoke, just like it had been previously. The air was bitterly cold with a hint of the sweet smell of weed. I placed my bets on how much shit Dave’s brother could have been arrested for, just judging by entering his house, and I came up with about ten things.

I crept towards Dave’s room at the end of the hall, remaining silent and calm. Inside, however, I was anything but calm. Anxiety ran through my cherry blood. I could hardly keep myself from panicking and aborting my mission in desperation to stop a panic attack. My hands shook as I held a sickle in my hand, just in case. The thought of having to use it—having to fight in general, especially having to fight Dave’s brother—scared me shitless.

Dave’s room was quiet and lonely. The entire apartment was the same; suspicious indeed. I gently pushed the door open and fumbled around for the light switch. In comparison to the rest of the apartment, the dim, flickering light blinded me. It seemed as though no one had thought to take care of the light in years, let alone even turn it on. My concerned for Dave heightened as I wondered how fucked up his eyes were from wearing shades in the already pitch-darkness.

“Dave?” I called out. My scratchy whisper wasn’t much of a whisper, and instead a shout. I had a hard time controlling how loud I was or how much I talked, which seemed to annoy almost everyone I knew.

I got no response, which wasn’t surprising to me. I saw no one in Dave’s room, and there was no sign of him anywhere in the house. Anxiety got the best of me that week, and it was all because of this stupid fucking apartment and Dave’s stupid fucking brother. I felt a genuine fury for his brother, a deep, profound anger that would drive me to murder, or would make me vent in all caps for an entire hour.

Before the game even began, no one knew about Dave’s situation. Granted, I didn’t know him at all, but the people like John or Jade or Rose never found out. Surely, he wasn’t _that_ good at hiding everything. When the game ended, we had all turned sixteen. I remember Dave, specifically, who didn’t want to go back home. At the time, I just thought it was because he didn’t want to leave his friends. That’s understandable, right? I felt so guilty for not picking up on his behaviour as of recent events, or not barging into his house sooner and fucking helping him.

Back to the current setting: Dave's room. There were seven fucking swords in his room, either propped up against the wall or lazily thrown into a pile in a corner. One of them was the one I had seen yesterday. The mottled stains of blood were still dried up on the blade. No one even gave enough shits to tidy up the swords, Dave's room, or the rest of the house. It was almost sad seeing the lack of dedication and the sheer neglect. Looking around the room, nothing out of the ordinary caught my eye. On Dave’s desk was a small red book. Along with it were small, white pills, which I ignored almost completely.  

On a more confusing (and concerning) note, all of Dave's stuff was still there. As if he just... abruptly left. His turntables were exactly where I saw them last. His laptop was open, just beckoning me to snoop through his messages, but unfortunately I didn't know the password. If I looked around I could probably find it. Dave was a terribly forgetful person, so it would make sense for him to keep his passwords in some sort of book... just like the one on his desk!

I approached it with slight dread in both my expression and my actions. Holy shit, pills? _Sleeping_ pills, for that matter. On the cover of the book in small, black print were three words: Don't Forget Me. What the fuck did that mean? What the hell— I began to piece together the story. It only made me more fearful of what I would find inside this innocent red book from my missing boyfriend with an abusive brother.

_Well, it’s now or never, Karkat._

I opened the cover and flattened out the first page with my hand. When the pages flipped up, I could see that Dave’s choppy, red handwriting drowned pages upon pages upon _pages_. I didn’t know he had this much motivation to write, let alone the dedication to take up writing at all. But the introductory page explained the reasoning behind such a lengthy story. Tears were inevitable by the end of the first sentence; Dave’s words flowed straight from his heart. That was something I never had the luxury to hear before.

hey. if youre reading this that means im dead. no, its not me joking around this time. its legit, its real, and this is my goodbye. inside this piece of shit youll find everything you ever wanted to know. or maybe you didnt want to know it i can understand that too. but either way, here. take good care of it. all i ask is that whoever picks this up makes sure everyone reads it, but more specifically dirk, john, and karkat. make sure those three know, okay? p.s. karkat, heres my passwords you fuckin snoop.

Attached was a list of his passwords. Well.. I was right about one thing.

I turned the page.

what better way to start this off than the end of the game? ah, the end of sburb, that fucking nightmare. i see john and jane reuniting with their father, it's sweet. jade and jake are ecstatic to live with each other, no shocker. rose and roxy invited my ectrobro dirk to stay with them. he accepted. and what about  _me_? i could easy walk over and ask to live with any of them. i mean.. i doubt theyd want another testosterone-filled coolkid to annoy them, but.... theres more of a reason than just that. im fucking scared.  _im fucking scared_. im going to be returning to my old life. you know, the pre-sburb one. but now its different. im a hero now, yknow? thats gotta have some effect on how he treats me, maybe thats good, maybe thats bad. i dont want to go back there. i dont want to see him ever again in my miserable existence. i know dirk could help me out of this. i already told him everything--and for your information, i dont have any intentions to tell anyone else--and he could take me to live with him and the lalondes. but that's only wishful thinking. bro always comes back. always. i cant escape it. i couldnt in the past and i dont see any reason why id be able to now.

I stood, petrified, unable to stare at the menacing letters scrawled across the lines any longer. Ink bled in veins of red, trapped inside a droplet of water. There were many droplets of water, and they all came from me. I half expected the Strider to jump out of his closet and laugh at me for taking his prank so seriously, but he was missing, he clearly wrote this book with intentions of suicide, and there was nothing more than eerie silence from the closet.

So he was dead.  _Dead_. That was impossible for me to state. If he was dead, where was his body? Or did he just throw himself off the roof? I didn't care about the specifics too much; all my tiny brain could focus on was his death. Thoughts of his un-existence taunted me from everywhere in my mind, and I couldn't bear to think of a life without him. All the memories we shared came flooding back to me... overwhelmingly so. I remembered the big moments, like when he fought Lord Jack, and how fucking worried I was for him. And, of course, the small fragments too, like when we fought over the stupidest shit on the meteor while Rose and Kanaya watched and giggled from afar. Or the first conversation we ever had.

A mournful keening of raw agony broke the eerie silence that was suffocating me. It was strange hearing my voice in more than weak sobs and whimpers.

I regained enough mentality to send everyone a quick message. Simple, yet straightforward.

CG: DAVE IS DEAD.

CG: NO, IT'S NOT A FUCKING JOKE THIS TIME.

CG: DAVE STRIDER. IS DEAD.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ugh bro  
> theres really nothing else to say on the matter

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

CG: ARE YOU FREE TODAY? I FOUND SOMETHING YESTERDAY AND IT'S IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO KNOW ABOUT IT.

CG: FAIR WARNING, IT'S SOME DEEP SHIT. I DUNNO IF YOU CAN FUCKING HANDLE IT.

EB: where do you want to meet?

EB: and i'm sure i can handle it. i'm a grown man now after all! :B

CG: MEET ME OUTSIDE STRIDER'S APARTMENT BUILDING.

EB: pleeeeeeeease don't tell me it's some stupid lovey-dovey date you need help setting up for.

CG: I WISH IT WAS.

CG: I REALLY FUCKING WISH, EGBERT.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

There was distant arguing which I couldn’t hear clearly over the painful ringing in my ears. It sounded like someone screaming into a pillow from behind a wall; muffled and blurred, yet completely audible. The palms of my hands stung on the cold asphalt below me, and it hurt to move. What the fuck happened?

I sat up, wincing at the jagged pebbles piercing my skin. No figures were in my peripheral vision, but that wasn’t saying much as mine was blurred and spotted from moving so quickly. Maybe it was the start to a migraine, maybe it wasn’t. I sincerely hoped it wasn’t.

As my hearing returned, so did the voices which I could make out clearly now. Karkat and John were fighting over something indistinguishable without more context. The two were right outside my apartment complex, and I was in the alleyway next to it. I didn’t know why they had any reason to be here, but I listened closely for any explanations I could get.

“What makes you think I know more, fuckwad?” Karkat screeched towards John’s delicate emotions. “I didn’t find anything else.”

John Egbert, the strong-spirited optimist with baby blue tears streaming down his cheeks, replied hesitantly. “I don’t believe you! Just tell me what else you found, is that so hard to do?”

“Yeah. It’s a lot fucking harder than you think,” Karkat spat, clearly sensitive about this topic.

“Hey! At least there was no body, so really there’s no proof that he’s dead. Maybe he’s not dead, Karkat!”

Karkat placed a hand on John’s shoulder and stared up at him with intense, melancholy eyes. “He’s fucking dead, Egbert. Why can’t you just accept it? Maybe there’s no rotting corpse but I found his suicide note.”

_Oh God. They were talking about me._

“See, he’s not missing. He’s dead.” Karkat filled John’s silence.

“No, he’s not! He can’t be dead, he _promised_ he wouldn’t.” John followed Karkat desperately as he stormed off down the sidewalk.

“Promises don’t do shit! Haven’t you noticed that deep down in your fucking bright and shiny, happy mind?”

“I know we could find him if we looked—”

“No. He’s gone. Why don’t you just worry about mourning over Dave instead of trying to fucking find him.” Karkat pushed John and walked off furiously, arms crossed tightly around his chest and shoulders tense. That was going to leave a scar in their friendship.

John sighed with a shaky, tear-infected breath and shuffled his feet nervously. I needed to tell him I was alive and okay. Scrambling desperately to my feet, I took a sharp turn and swung around the corner of the building. The blue-eyed boy was merely a few feet away, but he only seemed to move farther away with every step.

“John!” I called. My voice was only swept away by the wind. “John! Look behind you, I’m alive!”

A powerful force pushed against me, that of time itself. I then realized that I wasn’t really there, and John couldn’t hear me no matter how much I fucked up my vocal cords. I was just visiting from another time and another place, and I was about to wake up from this vision.

My hands dissolved into a golden dust, followed by my arms, and the rest of my surrealist body would soon crumble away. I cursed under my breath as John continued walking far, far away from me.

 

Panic wouldn’t be extreme enough to describe what I felt when I woke up in the back of a white van—you know, one of those where you’re lured in with candy and some pervert makes some illegal underage porn with your knocked out, drugged corpse. Except in this case, there wasn’t even any fucking candy. And to be fair, I doubt any illegal photoshoots even happened, but how am I supposed to know? I remember jack shit about what happened while I was sleeping.

Anyways, panic would be an understatement. In retrospect, I think a crippling dread and paranoia of dying would be more fitting. The type of anxiety that will kill you, and I mean that in a literal sense. I choked over sporadic intervals of breathing heavily and forgetting to breathe at all, as if my whole body went hardcore bipolar on me. I ended up curling into a tight ball and tapping out a steady beat on my arm to try to calm myself.

“I can hear you from all the way up here, kid.”

I yanked my head up precipitously, only to see the last person on this fucking planet I wanted to see.

Bro.

What else did I expect? Some miracle maker to come and save me?

No. I was going to have to save myself.

“Where are we going?” I demanded sharply. I comfortably rested my head on my knees and hid the majority of my face with my arms once more, hoping I didn’t have to say anything more than that. Contrary to popular belief, I didn’t like talking. Maybe I was just harassed into silence, or maybe I was too socially anxious to say anything, but outside of messaging I never said much. I had developed a mild stutter, but it never concerned me. I was shitty with human interaction, and although I had a boyfriend, I couldn’t feel any romantic feelings. So… instead I was fucking faking it. I don’t think I could be any lower than that.

“We’re going somewhere far away from here,” Bro replied. And without thinking, I shouted back to him.

“No, please, you can’t f-fucking kidnap me, you dick!” I pleaded.

“Shut it, Dave.”

“Why are you doing this? Why are you the shittiest person and why do I have to be stuck with you?” I took a defensive stance in the back of the van. “Why don’t you love me like any other guardian would?”

“Shut the fuck up, Dave. You’re a worthless piece of shit, no one will ever love you. You can’t love anyone, either, so what do they gotta give you in return? Nothing.” I tensed at his hissing, but I knew it was true. “You’re lucky I can fuckin’ handle your ego. I doubt anyone else would.”

“Then what about my f-friends? They would all gladly take me in if I told them what you do to me. I know they’re going to put together a search party to f-find me once they realize I’m not dead.” I felt the eternal hellfire of hatred burning inside and helping me win this argument.

“You’re going to have a lil problem once they can’t find you.” Bro held up my phone in one of his hands he should have been using to drive.

I couldn’t force any words out of my mouth. I knew I shouldn’t have spoken so rashly. I never should have said anything at all. I should have guessed he would have something to use against me. He always did.

“Nothing to say, lil man?”

“No. Sorry.”

“Speak up. No one can hear you when you’re mumbling.”

“Sorry Bro.”

“Good boy.”

And so I stayed silent.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok, there should be quite a bit of explanation in this chapter! As to why Dave doesn't just use time powers, why he isn't dead... etc. Dirk is best boi best detective 20/10 i will fite

“Alright, let’s put it into perspective,” Rose announced. “If Dave had truly killed himself, how many pills would be left?”

“Come on, Rose, I don’t like doing math on the weekends,” John whined jokingly, although he knew well that this was no joking matter. His usually upbeat and bubbly laughter was weighted down by a grief he knew too well from seeing his father dead, and now it returned in Dave’s honor.

A group of nine sat side by side in a circle. All eyes were focused on Rose, who was leading the discussion and throwing out small deductions. Terezi rested her tear-stained cheek on my shoulder; she hadn’t taken the news very lightly. Dirk and Roxy held hands tightly, occasionally shooting looks of reassurance or doubt to the other. After using her space powers, Jade appeared with Jake, and she was still sobbing silently as Rose spoke. Adjacent to the blonde, John and Jane attempted to keep their heads up high and brought as much optimism into the situation as possible. Admittedly, it wasn’t much. A dark presence of death lingered in the air, and in every moment Rose wasn’t speaking was an eerie silence of mourning.

“Karkat, can you clarify the method of suicide is, indeed, overdosing? Specifically on Ambien?” Rose brought my attention back to her.

“Yeah.”

“And how many remaining pills did you see?” She had been chiding me for information for the past hour. I didn’t mind all that much, but I didn’t want to think about Dave, especially not his suicide. He was dead, and I didn’t see why any further investigation was necessary. We should have just held a fucking funeral and moved on with our lives.

I guess experts were wrong when they declared denial as the first stage of grief. Or maybe I was too pessimistic and stuck in my own little world to care.

“There were.. some, I don’t remember. I can’t give you exact fucking numbers; it’s not like I stood there counting every single one when I found his fucking monster of a suicide note.” Rose tilted her head and nodded at me.

“I don’t want to be a downer, but isn’t it possible there was more than one bottle?” Jane asked. “And by assumption, what Karkat found was just the leftovers that Dave didn’t need.”

“Unfortunately, that’s plausible,” Rose’s face appeared solemnly dark, as it often did when she was thinking. “That’s more of a possibility than anything else we’ve come up with.”

“Wait, wait, wait! If that’s the case, then where the fiddlesticks and fudge nuggets did his undead corpse walk off to!” Jake abruptly shouted from the opposite side of the circle. He had his arm around the unresponsive Jade, and in turn she held him close.

“Karkat, did you see Dave’s brother anywhere while you were at his apartment?” Rose turned her gaze to me once more. I was getting sick of being interrogated.

“Well, no, actually. It was completely empty when I got there.”

“Are you saying that.. that monster took Davey?” Roxy chimed in with a weary tone.

“Yes, Roxy, that’s what I was hoping to imply.” Rose no longer had a look that signified hard thinking. Something told me that she had already figured it all out.

Dirk, who was suspiciously quiet, finally added to the discussion. “That monster took Dave from the moment we got back. It’s our faults, too, but mine in particular. None of us did anything to stop it. None of us even merely questioned any of the bruises we saw, or why Dave suddenly started stuttering,” Dirk’s voice was loud, and it was a rare occasion that any resemblance of emotion showed through it. In this case: rage. “Dave told me about everything before we even created this world. And somehow, I’ve managed to just fucking shrug it off, or pretend I’m oblivious to it, even though he’s been telling me everything. I fucking chose to live with you two instead of trying to protect him. I could have stopped this. _Any of us_ could have stopped this.”

Silence fell upon all of us. The room was colder than I remembered it being, and we all felt farther from our neighbors than ever before. Dirk’s hand shied away from Roxy’s as they both stared blankly towards the floor. Terezi inched away from me until our shoulders were far apart. The others shifted uncomfortably. We all were contemplating what Dirk said, and deep in our hearts we all knew it was true. I could have called the police before it was too late. I shouldn’t have listened to Dave when he told me not to. In more than one way, I was the reason why he was dead, and I was positive everyone else felt the same way.

“There’s one more thing I’d like to add,” Dirk spoke again after minutes of deathly quiet. Slowly, one by one, everyone perked their heads up and stared intently at him, almost in a fearful way.

“Don’t tell me you forgot. Dave ascended to god tier.”

“Holy shit! Dirk you’re a genius!” John squealed ecstatically. There was a cheer of disbelief amongst everyone. Terezi flashed me a wide, toothy grin and laughed.

“That only makes me question his motives for suicide even more, if he knew he wouldn’t die. Did he forget he was immortal, too?” Rose questioned. “And what about his time powers? He could have gotten himself out of this, and quite easily.”

“Maybe he’s scared,” I blurted out. Whoops. “Living with a parent like that, wouldn’t it drive you fucking insane? What if his brother threatens him into not even trying to escape?”

Rose sighed weakly. “You’ve got a point.”

“Listen up, everybody!” Dirk called. No one dared to defy his authority. “Dave’s brother must have taken him, and they must be on the run as we speak. Each passing second is one in which they’ll be farther away and harder to track down, so here’s the fucking game plan.”

He pointed to Jade. “You’re the only one of us who can easily scope out a large area. I need you to search as far as you can for any traces of them, got it?”

Jade smiled and nodded, and Dirk went around in the circle assigning everyone roles. “John, Rose, Roxy, I need you three to help track them down once Jade finds any clues at all. Karkat, Terezi, you two will investigate as much as you can. Snoop through Dave’s shit, I don’t care, just try to find any leads. And Jane, Jake, you’re coming with me.”

Jane sighed, “Do I really have to be stuck with both you _and_ Jake?”

Dirk ignored her. “Be sure to stay in contact. Tell everyone everything.”

“Let’s go get our fucking brother back!” Rose shouted confidently.

With a triumphant whooping, Jade zapped away from the scene and went off to do her task. Terezi and I stayed behind as everyone flew off. Fuck them with their god tiers.

“They could have at least given us a ride to his apartment.” Terezi said with a blank expression, gazing out the open door as six other figures disappeared into the horizon.

Dave wasn’t dead. I still couldn’t believe it.

I took his book out of my sylladex and gently flipped to the next page.

 

i didnt think id ever be able to say this, but i like it here. theres no end of the world crisis to take care of, theres no jacks or englishes (exception of jake, but hes pretty cool), and life is actually okay. i havent seen bro in like a week and i honestly prefer it that way. ive just been hangin with john and karkat playing shitty video games on the weekends. i dont really understand why the creators of the universe need to go to school but i mean, whatever, thats the least of my worries. i wish jade would visit more often. shes the fuckin best. and with her spacey shit it wouldnt even take much energy to pop in and say hello and then go back to her island.

speaking of powers, ive hardly used mine since i got here. i promise i have a good reason for that not some goody twoshoes "oh i dont want to abuse my god powers" excuse, because id hella abuse the fuck outta them if i could. thing is, im kinda scared of them. like... not because of what i could do with them, but because of what ive already done with them. all the dead daves ive seen, all the timelines i know i doomed... its flat out horrifying in both theory and reality. i didnt think itd fuck me up that much but im just boycotting them at this point, like fuck that. id prefer to not see dead mes in my dreams anymore, thanks.

i mean.. i still use them a bit. i make pointless timeloops so i have an infinite supply of aj, thats probably the best thing ive ever come up with to be honest. sometimes i just freeze it so i can calm the fuck down. yeah yeah thats how i always keep my cool, the secrets out. but i havent traveled in time in forever, and i dont intend to. theres too many consequences that i dont wanna have to go through again. ever again. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaahhh I've been slacking  
> This was supposed to go up on 4/13 but no it goes up midnight of 4/17 sorry

Sleep was a miracle. Getting it was rare, and having any energy was no more than a novelty. The only times I slept were when I could easily freeze time for a while without any consequences; a sense of dread and danger kept me awake and alert at other times. Apparently the however many hours I slept before wasn’t enough. I managed to sleep for a long while. Praise the fucking gods.

When I woke, I gaged that I had approximately an hour of quiet before my powers would weaken. I was always weak from abusing the ability to pause everything, and now I couldn’t hold it nearly as long as I could in the past. Soon I’d probably end up pushing myself to the limits and disintegrating those powers for good, but I was enjoying them to the very last second.

Even gods had conflicts with their own powers in the new world; time and space players specifically had the worst side effects for the most overpowered skills. I still wished I had never ascended to god tier because of that. I used to feel what dead Daves in other timelines felt, and I couldn’t stand to bear their excruciating agony and hear their shattering cries. It was morbid, gruesome, disturbing, and it had every potential to fuck me up. And hell, it did.

I hovered around the streets, avoiding pedestrians who were frozen as ice. There was nice weather with no signs of another apocalypse. Just how I liked it. Bro never let me fly, using the excuse that no one should know I was a god. Problem was, I couldn’t walk very well with a fucking sprained ankle. Oh, how I wished god tier included faster healing time. We couldn’t die but what’s the use of that if you’re so terribly injured that you’d rather die? In all honesty, god tier was a scam that we somehow just got dragged into, and if anything it was just a title and bragging rights.

A red aura forming around the edges of my vision let me know my time was almost up. I was going to get a serious migraine from this, I could already see it coming. I didn’t care at this point. I was already sick of being the damsel in distress and assumedly worrying everyone I knew relentlessly, but I didn’t know what else I could do. The rule with freezing time was that I had to be back where I was before once the time was up. I could take shit if I wanted to and leave some pedestrians in complete confusion as they questioned where the fuck their coffee went, but I couldn’t take myself. If I wasn’t back, I’d just be teleported back.

The last plan I had was to steal my phone back, as I always did. I should have left more than five minutes, but hey, what can you do. Gracefully swooping back into the van, I peeked my head over the front seats and tilted my head to each side. The only thing that caught my eye were the useless items scattered on the dashboard, including, but not limited to, an anime girl, some gay My Little Pony, and what appeared to be a smuppet keychain. Jesus motherfucking Christ, what in tarnation was wrong with him…

In the remaining three minutes, I had snatched my phone from Bro’s hands. It was near impossible to wrestle it free; while frozen in time, it was as if rigor mortis had set in to each breathless body. Honestly, it was pretty strange once I thought about it for a while. Almost sounded like the beginning of a zombie apocalypse or the opening shot of a horror film at an abandoned hospital.

The trippiest part was always suddenly opening my eyes to moving surroundings and a different position than mere seconds before. It was like waking up from a lucid dream, the same sense of not knowing where you are and what just happened, except it wasn’t a dream and you weren’t asleep. I could vividly feel crossing over every crack in the road, and the reality of where I was sunk in again. Hiding it in my huddled position, I pulled my phone out of my pocket. Here’s to praying I had service.

Holy shit, that was a lot of notifications. Some people clearly wanted to reach me. The guilt then settled over me as I realized I should have told them my whereabouts and what happened. So much for my claims of rational thinking. Whilst scrolling through Pesterchum, I wiped the tears from my eyes. Everyone cared about what happened to me. Everyone was desperate to find me. It’s like they actually loved me or something.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

TT: As promised, I'm keeping you up to date on what's happening over here.

TT: Shit's kind of crazy.

TT: All you need to know is that we're all looking for you, dude. I split everyone into groups and if you see any of us, make sure you fucking make yourself clear.

TG: holy shit dude youre

TG: you actually got everyone to

TG: how????

TT: .... Is that really you?

TG: hell no its my evil twin

TG: of course its me dickweed

TT: Oh mother fuck-

TT: Where are you?

I peeked outside the window. There weren't any landmarks or anything noticeable about where I was. I didn't even know where I was.

TG: beats me

TG: just looks like dead shit everywhere

TT: Damnit. Isn't there anything else around?

TG: nah

TT: Fuck.

TT: Okay. Just hold on a while longer. We're gonna find you and get you the fuck away from there forever.

TG: thanks man

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: HOLY FUCK, YOU'RE ONLINE.

TG: yeah got a problem with that

CG: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU? WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN??

TG: hey first of all dirk already asked that and i cant answer that

TG: and second ive been chillin with a sociopathic narcissist for the past like two days

TG: jesus has it really been that long

CG: WELL, AT THIS POINT IT'S CLOSER TO THREE DAYS.

TG: well shit

TG: yo id better go any last questions

CG: YEAH. DID YOU GET HURT ANY MORE SINCE I LAST SAW YOU?

TG: not necessarily

CG: THANK TROLL FUCKING JEGUS.

TG: aight if thats all you need then cya

CG: BYE YOU FUCKING IDIOT. LOVE YOU.

 

"LOVE YOU."

I still didn't have the courage to tell him.


End file.
